my real love

i am a creature of the arab world, with its westernization, contradiction, hybridization, mash, bla bla-it. My love for the language is smeared by my lack of perfect fluency and mastery. Like, all my loves, I aspire to hold, inside of me. I aspire to contain the language in me. Maybe, one day, something really shitty will happen and I will allow myself to take a reprieve, travel the world and simmer to the arabic sun. does it always have to be this way? why does it take such tragedy and confusion to take clear cut decisions. why can't i be brave? i should do exactly that after my call to the bar. i would be what everyone has pushed me to be and maybe then i can gift them my tarnished liver and collapsing lungs. take that, my law degree and my inculcation to the canadian ruling class. it cost just about everything and the power i so longed for as an arab woman, well, im still challenged and still doubted, with a degree, a shorter hair cut, a power-house name on my card, a totalizing subject of my art and well, sometimes, i do get my respects, from the underdogs who don't totally understand the system of hierarchy in this part of town.
anyway, this is not what i wanted to spread around anonymously today. instead, it is this sensitive combination of words and lyric. something, from my home town, wherever in the arabic speaking world that is:

لا تنحني مثل البشرحياتي لا ظلي القمر
صوتك صدى
ليالي السهر ومثلك ما صار
لا تنحني مثل البشرحياتي لا ظلي القمر
صوتك صدى
ليالي السهر ومثلك ما صار
روحي اسبقي نجوم السما
ياما الحلا فيك احتمى
قلبي ارتمى بحضني ارتمى
والزهر نوار
حلوة الدنيا حلوة سوا
قلبي وقلبك فوق الهوى
داب الماضي راح وانطوى
والزمان دوار
حلوة الدنيا حلوة سوا
قلبي وقلبك فوق الهوى
داب الماضي راح وانطوى
والزمان دوار
والزمان دوار
لا تختفي ظلي النظر
وكوني الصفا وكوني المطر
رسمك ندا خلا القدر
الحلا يختاار
لا تختفي ظلي النظر
وكوني الصفا وكوني المطر
رسمك ندا خلا القدر
الحلا يختار
روحي اسبقي نجوم السما
ياما الحلا فيك احتمى
قلبي ارتمى بحضني ارتمى
والزهر نوار
حلوة الدنيا حلوة سوا
قلبي وقلبك فوق الهوى
داب الماضي راح وانطوى
والزمان دوار
حلوة الدنيا حلوة سوا
قلبي وقلبك فوق الهوى
داب الماضي راح وانطوى
والزمان دوار
حلوة الدنيا حلوة سوا
قلبي وقلبك فوق الهوى
داب الماضي راح وانطوى
والزمان دوار

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1pUD9MzzqVE