three or five months

the reverbations of your absence tore through my skin
i felt deboned ... so helpless
how can the body not have a memory
now that you are back
the body has a memory
how do i calm the little hair on my arms from freaken out when you touch me
they dont arise to your touch the same way
not in the calmness of meadows
not with the wind of our passion
they are troubeld, anxious, worried and afraid

im i to discipline my heart
straighten my posture
staple a smile
or do you really want to see what you left behind?
i wouldn't want to torture you with the sight of my disfigured head and the two bullets on the wall
i wouldn't survive your pain and i cry to your tears of regret
i look for ways to mend my teethered spirit to see your eyes shine again
i cannot hurt you by telling you this
so can i fall in love with you again for you and for the pre-war me?

i didnt really want to

i kissed you again

got naked

smelt your body

i didn't really want to.

i am used to kissing someone else

getting naked with them

and loving their smell

that used to be you.

now that you came back

i am lost again

because, i didn't really want you