Carla Bruni

Listening to Carla Bruni was torture.

I am not sure if she started singing after she married Sarkuzi or before (usually, when I care, I take the time to google such details), but she is not good either way.

Maria callas 1965 with co stars Tito Gobbi and Meneto Cioni Royal Opera House Covent Garden

i never really liked opera. so, i am sort of forcing myself to continue listening. i appreciate the talent and may appreciate it a bit more if it was a live show. but, in my bachelors appartment, with the smell of onions frying in the background and mixing with the dust of belly dancers, I am not convinced.

what has been going on

since my last entry, a lot has happened. i have lost many things and then re-imagined them. i am not sure if i have the same things or if they are better now. the things. the things.

i am no longer feeding the creative self destructive energy as often. i don't know where it went. i recently purchased a book titled: live through this. ed. sabrina chapadjiev. on creativity and self-destruction. Others have been through this. some of their work couldn't have been without alienation. i am no where close to where i was and so even my train of thought, which is supposed to belong to me, has detached to open shop and along the way develop attention deficit disorder.

in an effort to maintain who i am and my love to the world, i have begun a project. if i was who i was before, it wouldn't have been a project but a natural reaction to the world. instead, and happy with what i have, i decided that i can control the development of a new friendship. a new guy moved up where i work and initially i felt a physical attraction. i struggled with questions of infidelity but resigned now to believe that attraction is normal but detachment from loved ones isn't. so, concentrating my fidelity to fixing the later, i rejected dinner invitations but took up a mid-day coffee invite. i, certainly, just wanted to get to know a new human being who seemed so random to my life. the randomness of it all was what i used to pursue so unconsciously and now i simply allowed myself to bump into the randomness.

he seemed all and all boring to me. despite his many travels, he was oh so boring. the more boring thing about him was him telling me a little snippet about how his family isn't close. oh, no, the more boring thing was the monologue he was having about his work situation in Poland. shhhhhhh.

however, the reason he is at all worth the mention is the box he gave me. he is to move out again and go back to Poland after a little failure he experienced with the landlord. the box has a big selection of jazz and classical music. i admit that from a quick scan, i know none of the artists.

my entries will be on and around those cd's. i have many and will post on each as i educate my heart to their rhythms.